


Artist of the Decade

by autumngoodbye



Category: Gravitation
Genre: M/M, i hesitated to choose 'major character death' since it's not on-page but yeah kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23639989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumngoodbye/pseuds/autumngoodbye
Summary: Bad Luck receives a big award. Shuichi has sort of a crisis.
Relationships: Shindou Shuuichi/Yuki Eiri
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Artist of the Decade

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Gravitation.
> 
> This ignores Gravitation EX because, well, I wanted to!
> 
> This is my first time posting fanfic in like over ten years, please enjoy!

Shuichi's pacing around the living room, holding an invitation for some awards show next week. Seguchi told him about the special honour Bad Luck would be receiving months ago, but apparently only now, seeing the words embossed on cardstock, it’s finally setting in. "Artist of the Decade? How is that even decided? Like, is it record sales, or concert attendance, or some online poll--"

"Can't you just shut up and be happy about it?" Eiri leans into the couch, knowing he’s going to be sitting here, listening to this, for a while.

Shuichi sits down next to him and slumps his shoulders. "I _am_ happy about it. It's just so huge, and it's like, why us? Why me? Do I actually deserve something like this?"

"You've said it yourself ad nauseam for as long as I've known you," Eiri says, and he's smirking but he can’t help it. That’s just his face. "You have the greatest vocal in Japan."

"Okay, but just because I say it doesn't mean everyone else believes it. For all I know, I'm just some overconfident idiot."

"Well, you are. But your confidence isn't unwarranted. How have I been putting up with this for ten years? Don't you realize by now you're a genuine star, and people do actually like you? Shit. How can you be so cocky and have such an inferiority complex at the same time? My therapist would love you."

"I probably should go to a therapist, honestly." Shuichi lies down, resting his head in Eiri's lap. "But not yours! She'll tell me all the mean things you say about me!"

Eiri sighs. He runs his hands through Shuichi's hair without thinking about it. "That's against any therapist's code of honour. They literally cannot do that."

"Thank God!" Shuichi erupts into little hiccuping laughs. "Could you imagine if I walk in and she's like, 'Shindou-san, you'll never believe what Eiri said about you yesterday!' I think I would actually die!'"

"I don't mean to add to your crisis here, but if you think I spend my therapy sessions chatting about my daily life with you, don't flatter yourself."

"I'm not in a _crisis_. I'm a grown-up now, not everything is a crisis to me anymore."

Eiri snorts.

"It's just… so unbelievable to think that my band and our music have meant that much to people. For ten years. That's a long time."

"Trust me, I know."

"Shut up, Eiri. This is _my_ crisis. I mean, maybe me and Hiro and Fujisaki do deserve it. Of course we do. We've worked our butts off, and we've made some great music but… but I still wish this award was going to someone else."

Shuichi sighs deeply. Eiri brushes his fingertips along Shuichi's forehead.

"I know."

*

Shuichi never really liked getting his makeup done for TV. He could never keep his face still enough, and he always got scolded by the poor exasperated makeup artist.

This time is no different.

“Shuichi, if you keep squirming like that, we’re going to be late to the stage.” He hears Hiro laughing from the chair next to him.

“Oh please, Hiro. When have we ever been late for a performance?”

Suguru bursts out laughing from Shuichi’s other side. “A better question would be how many shows we’ve actually been on time for.”

Shuichi’s eyes are closed, but he still rolls them as Hiro and Suguru crack themselves up. “I can’t deal with this negative energy,” he says, putting on his diva voice. “This is a very important night, you know.”

“Artist of the Decade,” Hiro says, letting out a low whistle.

“I’m surprised we’ve lasted this long,” Suguru says, and Shuichi just knows his eyebrows are arched. “To be perfectly honest, I would not have imagined I’d still be in this band after ten years.”

“Gee, thanks, man,” Hiro says, starting to laugh again.

“I always knew Bad Luck would make it. No matter what bullshit stood in our way! We can overcome anything, Hiro and me!”

Shuichi hears Suguru groan and smiles to himself.

“I pity you, Nakano. You’ve had to put up with this guy even longer than I have.”

“Since middle school. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world, even if it’s been mostly ridiculous and tumultuous as hell.”

“Hiro! Don’t go using words like that, you know I don’t know what they mean!”

Suguru mutters something under his breath as Hiro says, “You know, Shuichi, you can open your eyes.”

“It helps me stay still,” Shuichi says.

His makeup artist says, “I’m all finished, Shindou-san.”

“Oh! Thank you!” He jumps out of his chair, ready to stretch his body and vocal cords, when he notices Suguru’s feet. “What are those?!”

“They’re boots.”

“They’re platform boots, which is what I’m wearing because I wanted to be taller than you again for once!”

“I knew you’d do that, so I wore these. I’m sorry, I didn’t bring a change of shoes.”

“That’s not fair! You’ve been taller for years now! Geez, Fujisaki, have you always been such a little bitch?!”

“Bad Luck, five minutes until the show opens.” An assistant appears in the door, a headset over her dyed-silver hair. She’s probably as old as Shuichi was when Bad Luck hit it big. He’d really been just a kid. “You ready to kick off this broadcast?”

He trails behind Hiro and Suguru as they walk the backstage halls of the arena. He wonders if twenty-nine is too old to be a rock star. He takes deep breaths. It’s been a while since they last performed on TV. They’re in an off-cycle; they finished touring a few months ago and haven’t started on the new album yet.

His breath keeps trying to catch in his throat. He wiggles his fingers to get the nerves out. They’re good nerves, though. They’re the best feeling in the world. He still fucking loves performing.

*

They play a ten-minute medley of their greatest hits and it’s the most fun Shuichi’s had in a long time. There’s always an electric energy between the three of them when they get together again after a break from performing. Shuichi can feel it crackling around him, and it feels like the air is shimmering, and there’s an arena packed with thousands of people screaming for him, singing his words. He’s living his dream, and it’s better than he ever imagined.

He approaches the standing microphone at the front of the stage, accepting his trophy, and this part is harder. He pushes his sweaty bangs away from his forehead, but they flop right back into place. He’s out of breath.

“Thank you so much!” he says before taking a big gulp of water from a bottle someone’s handed to him. “I’ll try to keep this short, but there’s so much to say, and you know me, I’ve never had the best reputation for public speaking.” He laughs, and the crowd laughs with him. “First, I have to thank these two guys up here with me, Hiro and Fujisaki, for sticking by me even though I am not the easiest person to put up with, especially in the early years. Thank you for challenging me creatively and keeping me down to earth and chilling me out whenever I need it, which is all the time.

“Next of course is the love of my life, Yuki Eiri. That’s all I’m going to say though, because he gets embarrassed easily. He seems so cool, but he really does! It’s really just me that embarrasses him, though, which… yeah. I get it.

“Thank you to everyone at NG for giving us a chance and putting us on all those silly game shows and only interfering with my personal life when it was absolutely necessary. Really, though, we wouldn’t be here without you and we owe you all our successes. And the fans! Of course. Thank you for believing in us and pushing us to do our best. We love you so much. And--” His chest flutters here, his heart skips. This is the hard part. He’s not ready. He’ll never be ready.

“I dedicate this award to Sakuma Ryuichi.” His voice wobbles, but he lets it. It’s just gonna get worse from here. “You were my idol. I think everyone in here -- except maybe Eiri, but what does he know? -- is a Ryuichi fan. You were the ultimate. And I’m so proud and honoured and happy that I got to be your friend. Thank you for making me laugh, for your weird-ass roundabout wisdom, and for reminding me to always sparkle. I hope tonight’s performance was shiny enough that you could see it from wherever you are.” His hand shaking, he holds the award up in the air. “This one’s for Sakuma-san!”

He can’t talk anymore. He’s crying too hard. He turns his back to the cameras as Hiro and Suguru flash smiles and peace signs and the show cuts to commercial.

Hiro gives him a big hug from behind, so strong his feet almost leave the ground. He doesn’t say anything. Hiro never needs to say anything, just being there has always been enough. A lot has changed in ten years, but some things never do, like Shuichi needing to hold on to his best friend.

*

“Are awards shows always so stupid?” Eiri asks Shuichi when he finds him backstage. He’s smiling, now, arm-in-arm with Nakano, but his eyes are still red.

“Yeah,” Shuichi and Nakano say together. Eiri’s pretty sure he hears the green-haired kid say it too.

Shuichi finds his way into Eiri’s arms, just as he always does, and like always, Eiri wraps his arms around him tight.

“You did a good job,” he says into Shuichi’s hair. “You made Seguchi cry.”

Shuichi’s head shoots up, knocking against Eiri’s chin. He bites his tongue. Jesus. “What? Really?”

“Yes. It was amusingly off-brand. Now please let go of me. You smell like hairspray and sweat.”

“Is it weird that they’re my idea of the pinnacle of romance?” the green-haired kid asks Nakano. “Is that really messed up?”

“Shut up, you creepy Seguchi clone,” Eiri says as he heads off to the bathroom to make sure he’s not bleeding.

“I love you!” Shuichi calls after him.

He’s not sure if it’s loud enough for Shuichi to hear, but he says, “You too.”

*

They stick around for the afterparty, even though it’s so not Eiri’s thing, and Shuichi’s feeling kind of emotionally exhausted. He decides he’ll sit on one of the leather couches against the wall and let everyone else come to him. He can do that, right? He’s the guest of honour.

“I think I forgot that I was doing this awards show on purpose,” he tells Eiri as he snuggles into his neck. Eiri has his arm slung across Shuichi’s shoulders, which he’s sure makes them look very sexy to everyone else. “I kind of wanted to forget music for a while. I’m still not over… God, and all of a sudden I had to do all these tributes and appearances and 'celebrations of life' and I never got a chance to just process it alone, you know? I still haven’t.”

“It takes time,” Eiri says, sipping his whiskey. “You know that. Every day is different.”

“Do you think I’m too old to be a rock star?”

“You’re not even thirty.”

“Yeah, I haven’t caught up to you yet.” Shuichi laughs, tugging on a strand of Eiri’s hair. Lately he’s gotten paranoid about gray hairs, but Shuichi hasn’t noticed any, and he spends a lot of time staring at Eiri. “I just think about, I don’t know, flying too close to the sun or something.”

“You don’t want to burn out like him.”

“It doesn’t make any sense,” Shuichi says, a little too loudly.

“I’ve known that man since I was a teenager, and I’ve never heard him say or do anything that made sense.”

“Why wasn’t this world good enough for him? Couldn’t I have done something? Couldn’t I have been someone--”

“You can’t ask those questions,” Eiri says, his voice low and level like always. He offers Shuichi his drink, and Shuichi finishes it off. His throat burns, but not in a completely bad way. “There are no answers. You were a good friend. You’re a good person. You deserve this award.”

Shuichi is sobbing. He doesn’t know how he started and he doesn’t know how to stop. “Oh my God, Eiri, you’re so smart! Can you be my therapist?”

“Hell no. I’m not qualified or at all interested. I can get you another drink, though, and I’ll sit here as long as you need. As long as you stop getting snot on my jacket.” Eiri flags a waiter over and Shuichi wipes his nose on his sleeve.

“You know, when Bad Luck first started out, that’s when we met too.” He takes a deep, shaky breath and exhales a happy sigh. “Did you think we’d be here ten years later?”

“I thought you were stubborn enough to hang around that long, but I also thought I was awful enough to send you packing eventually.”

“You’re not awful.” The waiter comes back and hands Shuichi a large glass of alcohol. “Ooh! Thank you!”

“Apparently I’m not. That’s mostly due to you, though. I was pretty awful.”

Shuichi shrugs. “Ten years is a long time. All that matters is that you really stayed, and you love me, and you will forever.”

“Is that what’ll make you happy?”

Shuichi lifts his chin and kisses Eiri’s cheek. “Of course.”

“You know,” Eiri says, swirling his drink, “that Sakuma was a really lonely guy. I think there was something in him that was just going to be empty no matter what.”

“What are you saying? I thought we were being cute now!”

“You didn’t let me finish, you little gremlin.” Eiri pinches the bridge of his nose like he does when he’s gone too long without his glasses and gets a headache. “I think you can go on being a rock star as long as you want. You don’t need things like music and parties and awards to keep you going. As long as you’ve got that thing keeping you tethered to home. Like Nakano, and your family--”

“And you."

“And me. You’ve got me. Forever.”

Shuichi grabs Eiri’s face and kisses him hard. Eiri spills half his drink. Oops. “Ten years and counting!”

Eiri shakes his head, but he’s smiling, searching for a napkin. “Shindou Shuichi,” he says, and he probably thinks Shuichi can’t hear him, but he can. “Artist of the motherfucking Decade.”

**Author's Note:**

> The last time I published Gravitation fanfic was my 16th birthday. I'm 28 now. Quarantine and maybe just my brain in general has got me thinking about the passage of time and getting older and how strange and unpredictable life's journey can be!
> 
> So, like I did back when I was 15, I'm projecting onto Shuichi. Obviously the fandom isn't what it was back then, but I love these characters and I love all my Gravitation memories.
> 
> The last line is actually a self-reference; as a kid in Catholic high school who had never said a swear before, I actually asked my mom if I could publish a fanfic with a swear! I felt so awful! I had Eiri say "motherfucker."
> 
> Some things never change. :)


End file.
